chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
