and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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