are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
