go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
