Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
