I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
