you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
