I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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