The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
