i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
