forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
