3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
