I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize