There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
