Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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