I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
