I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
