She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
