The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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