Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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