I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's the barista slut.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
