Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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