it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
