i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
