did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
