Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
