Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
