Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
