If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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