Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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