I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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