we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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