Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yo dont text me then not text me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
