Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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