he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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