Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my liver is dry heaving
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
