my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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