I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
