My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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