God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
