I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
