Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
