Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
