Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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