Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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