I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
