dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
