This girl is more easily done than said...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
