once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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