Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
