You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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