I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
