ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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