so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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