Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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