The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
