After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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