i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
