LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
