i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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