I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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