he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize