peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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