If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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