Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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