Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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