Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
