Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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