I like to think it a success when the cops are called
zippers are such a cool invention
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
