what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize