capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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