there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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