could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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