Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize