Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
