yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
