i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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