how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His nipple licking is glorious
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