I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had sex on a roof
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
