we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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