If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
