Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
