Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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