I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
