I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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