You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
