he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
