There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
