Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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