I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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