She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
