Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm at about main and main street
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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