pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I sprained my soul last night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize