Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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